Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Lunchtime Conversations From The Office

When you're on deadline at the office, slowly going mad, strange conversations can occur, such as the following sample from today, submitted for your perusal:

R is hovering near my desk, and then looks at me.
R: "I've got nuts everywhere."
Me: "I didn't need to know that."
R: "...in my mouth."

Earlier in a rather soul-draining day, a suggestion is made (not by me) that we should all quit our jobs and go and start a yoghurt farm (I'm not really sure why yoghurt (or a farm), but anyway).
Later, as things become progressively worse, the following conversation occurs:
M: "Let's all leave now and go and live on the yoghurt farm."
Me: "I don't want to farm yoghurt, but I will go and live on the farm, as long as I can have Internet access to do my own thing."
J: "...what are those people in America?"
Me: "The Amish. I find them quite charming."
M: "They don't have computers. You won't have Internet access."
Me: "I didn't say I want to be the Amish, I said they're charming."

J: "Kalahari[.net] has just sent me book suggestions for Valentine's. They're all sex books." [J reads some of the titles aloud.]
Me: "Why is that? Why would they send that? Have you bought books like that from them before? I don't get emails like that..."
J: "No. I've never bought any of these books..." [Reads more titles aloud.]
... [I'm snipping some inappropriate stuff. Children may be reading this!]
M: "First you get a love letter from some guy [an errant email received yesterday that was sent to the wrong person], then you get book suggestions from Kalahari..."
Me: "The universe is trying to tell you something. I wonder what that is?"

J: "Sometimes, when faced with yet another [a certain type of job we do] I think perhaps it might be better to go off and vomit for three days [rather than do the job]."
Me: "Actually I don't get the urge to throw up so much as crawl under my desk in the foetal position."
P: "Show us."
Me: "I'm not doing it for your amusement."
P: "Not? How selfish is that?"

R and I have a disagreement with P as to whether P has a DVD writer in his Mac.
I go to his machine to prove him wrong and point out that he, indeed, does have a DVD writer so he can pretty much write anything (CDs, DVDS). He expresses great, excited surprise (as only he can).
Me: (waving hands emphatically in the air): "Oh! Now we're going to have all sorts of things happening."
R: "Smoke's going to start coming out of that machine.... You'll need a plastic protective device..."

The art department is right next us, and we're only separated by a thin wall, so half the time we can hear snippets of conversations (which I would do well to remember for reasons of personal preservation, but never do). We overhear one of the art people asking, in the art room, where a job bag is. She then walks all the way around to get to our office to see if we have it.
J (before she can speak): "I have it here."
Art person: "I think we need a porthole in the wall."
Me: "A porthole, or a portal?" [I imitate zapping things through a portal.]
M: "I want a portal so I can go home."
Me: "...and not come back?"
M: "No, so I can go forward to the weekend."
Me: "That's a time portal. That's a bit more difficult."



Blogger kyknoord said...

At least you're only going slightly mad :)

Thursday, February 02, 2006 2:44:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

LOL. Opinions vary.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:00:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

I'm thinking of sending the black van around... after hours off course... and get them to install some surveilance cameras. I think this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:03:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

Hmm...you're right. It is. Some stuff just can't be published, and some of it happens so fast that I can't write it all down quickly enough. This is what happens when you have four (sometimes more) witty people trapped in a room all day with no ventilation.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:06:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

I can already smell it.

Oh, and I managed to figure out my blogging username and password after about 30 attempts. So if the FBI comes and arrest me, please start a fund to bail me out. Thanks.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:11:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

I knew you'd go there.

My Google ads are up to about $9, I think, from the past year. Whoo hoo! I should hit the minimum cheque requirement sometime in...um...2016...?

BTW, is this a new low for us? Taking the normal email banter public, I mean.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 3:16:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

I'm only doing it because of your previous complaints that I should post here because for the unsuspecting browser it would look impressive to see you have 374 comments on your bloggage. Don't tell me you are going to start shouting at me and kicking me again. My face is just recovering from last week's ordeal.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 5:43:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

You are absolutely awful!

(For people new to the blog, he's in Ireland and I'm in South Africa (and I have proof that I haven't left), so he's lying.)

BTW, you know, I could actually delete your comment, but I won't. Let the world see your true colours. Let them understand what you put me though all the time. And yet I remain your friend. There is much wrong with me...

Thursday, February 02, 2006 6:29:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

Yes!!!! I got a confession!!! Woohoo!!! :D

Oh, and to the other people reading this, she cannot actually delete these posts. It's just a false illusion. Her psychiatrist asked that I play along and help her make believe it really happens in her little world. :) *snigger*

Thursday, February 02, 2006 7:14:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

Nice try. Anyone reading this who has a Blogger account (which is most of the people) knows that I can delete you from my blog existence with a couple of clicks. It's almost a religious experience.

Thursday, February 02, 2006 7:18:00 PM  
Blogger ginamc said...

Very enjoyable reading... Even the comments are making me LMAO... I need to read your Blog on Mondays... to get rid of them Monday Blues

entertaining, yes it is

Tuesday, February 07, 2006 5:36:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

Heh heh. Thanks.

I post sporadically (only when I feel I have something to say), but I hope to see you back here!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006 5:43:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

And I only post when South Africa is online again. Oh wait, your blogsite is not in South Africa is it? *ponders* Ok I will admit, I couldn't be arsed to look at your blog daily. Not even weekly. Only randomly. there, I said it. Now, come and spank me if you dare! :D (_\_) (_/_)

PS: Why is it every time I fele like replying here I forget my damn username & password? I will keep hacking away till this appears OK?

PPS: And what's with this damn Word Verification changing all the time?!?

Friday, February 10, 2006 4:32:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

Words fail me. Sadly they don't fail you.

Because they should.

Friday, February 10, 2006 4:58:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

Bah, word failure is futile. I shall not be intimidated by big words like sporadically.

Friday, February 10, 2006 5:01:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

Stop posting in all my blog comment spots all at once. Do you know how hard it is to find where you've randomly left your little grubby word fingerprints so that I can then rescue the integrity of my posts?

Friday, February 10, 2006 5:06:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

Integrity of your posts? Bah! And I shall comment on bloggagae as much as I please whenever I please wherever I please. You sound like a dictator. Don't do this... don't do that... *tripples around like a fat ballerina* Sheesh woman. I'm saving your bloggage integrity from going stale ok?

And you call yourself a friend. Pft.

Friday, February 10, 2006 5:43:00 PM  

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