Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Very Dramatic Story About The Spider In The Office

One of the magazines that I work for publishes DIY projects and yesterday one of the projects, which is a garden shed, was brought into the office (most of the projects are made outside of the office and then brought in once they are finished).

For heightened dramatic effect I shall now switch tenses.

Suddenly there's all this commotion in the hallways, and one of my co-workers comes to tell that there is a giant spider in the shed (and he's freaked out by spiders) and that if I want to do something about it (me being a bug-saving non-hypocrite (as much as possible) vegetarian) I need to be quick because people are amassing and are probably going to do something rather drastic (which I would find offensive). So off I go to find the shed, which had been lugged (or, rather, dragged, I'm sure) into a lift to be brought up to the 20th floor, and had then been left in the corridor outside the lifts.

My co-worker's wife, who also works in our division, but for another magazine, is also a bug-saving non-hypocrite (as much as possible) vegetarian. I turn the corner to find my co-worker's wife standing strategically (but at a safe, healthy distance) in front of the open door of the shed, while a bunch of our co-workers cower in corners nearby acting all freaked out.

So as I arrive (trumpet sounds! Whoo hoo! (I mean, in my head, of course, and actually only now while I'm writing this)), my co-worker's wife asks me if I'm afraid of spiders, so I say no (which is usually true, although large ones do actually freak me out a little (because they tend to like to you...for no reason...)), but I was being brave around these silly people in order to up my status of coolness). I could see that my co-worker's wife was also a bit freaked, but wanted to save the spider, so she was acting as this kind of nervous barrier between the spider and the evil people who may magically find bug spray and want to gas the living daylights out of the spider (she told me afterwards that there apparently is someone in her office who bug sprays everything, anywhere, at any time - even benevolent creatures such as geckos and lizards - with great glee).

Anyway, so my co-worker's wife is protecting the spider from a healthy distance from the cowering co-workers, and one of the food assistants from one of the magazines is running around trying to find a container into which we can stick the spider. I ask where the spider is, because I peered around the door but couldn't see it, as it was cowering near the bottom of the door under a strut-like piece of wood attached to the inside of door. So I bend down to look and, gawd. It's like 2cm (body) and 5cm (legs), which makes it one of the biggest spiders I've ever seen.

But now I'm committed (I mean to the task, not a mental hospital, although you may debate that endlessly in the comments section), so I ask my coworker's wife what she's going to do with the spider (because we're on the 20th floor in the middle of a concrete jungle, so where do you put such a thing? (This had been my wonder all along.)) so she says she'll take it to Tokai forest (which is on the other side of the peninsula (yay!) near to where they live) and release it. So I'm all "Ok!". So the food assistant meanwhile has found a larger container (the one they originally

had tried to use was too small), which has a hole in the corner so the spider can "breathe and stuff", so I grab it and coax the skittish spider (who by this time has realised something really weird is up) into the container (which went much better than, spiders are easier to catch than cockroaches!), and then realise that the hole in the container is rather big. Big enough, in fact, that the spider could probably squeeze through, and probably will try, so I quickly hand the container to my co-worker's wife with a piece of paper that the food assistant had given me, and tell her to block the hole and then Sellotape the hole or something, which she had already realised she needed to do. So then we parted ways with the cowering people cowering a little less, and now all interested in the container and slowly gathering to look. Because, you know, now they're safe.

As I headed off back to my office my co-worker's wife asked me not to tell my co-worker that she has the spider in the container and is taking it home with them to release it, otherwise he won't get into the car.

So I didn't mention it. But I really wanted to.



Blogger Francois Maree said...

You have a trumpet in your head? I was always wondering why there is mobile signal interference around you. Well that clears up that mystery *puts checkmark on clipboard*

Why the hell was people running around looking for bug spray? They squish nicely under a plakkie (flip flops for you other idiots). And if you whack them hard enough they might even splatter an impressive distance. You guys mos have a contract with a floor cleaning company ja?

Friday, February 10, 2006 4:47:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

I didn't say they were looking around for bug spray. I said there is a certain individual who apparently enjoys using bug spray too much.

We have a contract with a office cleaning company, but judging by the state of our office kitchen, the bathrooms throughout the building, and the "hasn't been vaccuumed in over two weeks" office carpet, they wouldn't manage a squished spider very well. Well, really, at all...

Friday, February 10, 2006 4:57:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

Actually carpets that haven't been vacuumed for 2 weeks is an excellent surface for squished spider cleanup operation. Cause the goo will stick to the dust so when they eventually vacuum all the goo goes with dust and the carpet is still clean because of the protective dust/dirt layer over it.

Friday, February 10, 2006 4:59:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

And you know this how?

I don't think I want to stay with you when I visit Ireland. I feel it would be safer to rent a room in a hovel.

Friday, February 10, 2006 5:03:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

A hovel??? Yeah, we have many of these around here!!! *consults Wikipedia*

I know this because it makes common sense. Imagine, a floor, covered in dusts. If you spill something, the dust will absord/cling to the mess. It's like when baking too. You throw loads of flour on the table before rolling out some dough. Why? Because it prevents the dough from sticking to the table. Makes sense now ya?

Friday, February 10, 2006 5:36:00 PM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

You should tell your co-worker about his passenger now and watch as he gets the creeps in retrospect.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

I have wanted to. He never said anything to me about it, so I don't know if his wife ever told him. Heh.

I guess if he ever finds my blog, he'll know.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

That's it. You're hired. The next time I look up from watching TV and see one of those massive rain spiders on the ceiling above my head, I'll PAY for you to drive to Somerset West and put it outdoors for me!


I hate anything that has more than 4 legs, or lots of feelers and things. Lobsters included.

Snakes? NO legs. Wonderful creatures. :)

Thursday, February 23, 2006 5:18:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

LOL. Any time!

Thursday, February 23, 2006 5:22:00 PM  

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