More Merriment In The Office (Alcohol Was Involved. Again.)
The day after we drank the Absolut Raspberri vodka, we drank the Absolut Raspberri vodka again. The first time was largely for research purposes (we like to say, anyway), and it proved to have been a vital decision, as it turned out that one of the facts in an article that featured the Absolut Raspberri vodka was wrong, and we only found this out after we opened the bottle (it had to do with the colour of the liquid versus the colour of the bottle). The second time we drank the Absolut Rasberri vodka because it was there. And we could. So we did. We were on deadline, after all. And it was sucking badly. Again.
Then the following happened: *
Our boss comes into the office after having been AWOL for a day, even though vital decisions had to be made during that time, and asks a female colleague to prioritise a certain job, then leaves.
Me: "What you should have said was: 'That will not be convenient.'"
Female Colleague: "That will not be convenient."
Me: "Not to me, to [our boss]!"
Female Colleague: "True."
Female Colleague (to herself): "'That will not be convenient.' I must be careful what I say after a few sips of vodka. I might say something I might regret..."
A male colleague, who has been working very hard and has been in a bad mood because of all the deadline crap going on and nightmares he has had to deal with, suddenly looks up from his desk and asks: "Do I look drunk?"
We all stop and look at him.
Me: "Do you feel drunk?"
The male colleague nods vigorously with a wry, dozy smile.
A gay male colleague says something to a female colleague in Afrikaans, but I don't catch half of it and can't interpret the rest, so I sit at my desk frowning at him because I'm trying very hard to figure it out.
Gay Male Colleague (frowning at my frown): "Don't give me cliffs."
Me (gazing at him in confusion): "They're not 'cliffs'." [About five minutes later someone mentions that he meant "furrows".]
Gay Male Colleague: "Don't give me eyeballs."
Me: "I'm not giving you eyeballs. You like to be eyeballed-....."
(beat, wherein my brain manages to react before my mouth)
Me: "...I stopped before I took that joke any further..."
(Much hilarity ensues.)
A gay male colleague starts to sing and chair groove to some Mariah song that suddenly starts playing in his head.
We all stop. Appalled.
Another gay male colleague: "I swear, if that comes on the radio, he turns it up..."
A female colleague (even more appalled): "...No, nooo!..."
A female colleague (to a male colleague): "...I can't because I'm going to the opera tonight."
Me: "Are you really?"
Female Colleague: "Yes."
Me: "On purpose?"
Female Colleague: "Yes."
* References to individuals have been almost completely removed, otherwise they will kill me. They might anyway.