Wednesday, March 01, 2006

More Merriment In The Office (Alcohol Was Involved. Again.)

So for nearly a week I've been debating as to whether or not I should post this, as I think it's rather risqué (what would my conservative readers think! heh heh) but a number of people who have seen it say I should so, well, here goes (and, hey, it's either talk about this, or talk about power failures and local-government elections):

The day after we drank the Absolut Raspberri vodka, we drank the Absolut Raspberri vodka again. The first time was largely for research purposes (we like to say, anyway), and it proved to have been a vital decision, as it turned out that one of the facts in an article that featured the Absolut Raspberri vodka was wrong, and we only found this out after we opened the bottle (it had to do with the colour of the liquid versus the colour of the bottle). The second time we drank the Absolut Rasberri vodka because it was there. And we could. So we did. We were on deadline, after all. And it was sucking badly. Again.

Then the following happened: *
20060224 13:03
Our boss comes into the office after having been AWOL for a day, even though vital decisions had to be made during that time, and asks a female colleague to prioritise a certain job, then leaves.
Me: "What you should have said was: 'That will not be convenient.'"
Female Colleague: "That will not be convenient."
Me: "Not to me, to [our boss]!"
Female Colleague: "True."
Female Colleague (to herself): "'That will not be convenient.' I must be careful what I say after a few sips of vodka. I might say something I might regret..."

A male colleague, who has been working very hard and has been in a bad mood because of all the deadline crap going on and nightmares he has had to deal with, suddenly looks up from his desk and asks: "Do I look drunk?"
We all stop and look at him.
Me: "Do you feel drunk?"
The male colleague nods vigorously with a wry, dozy smile.
Me: "Awesome!"

A gay male colleague says something to a female colleague in Afrikaans, but I don't catch half of it and can't interpret the rest, so I sit at my desk frowning at him because I'm trying very hard to figure it out.
Gay Male Colleague (frowning at my frown): "Don't give me cliffs."
Me (gazing at him in confusion): "They're not 'cliffs'." [About five minutes later someone mentions that he meant "furrows".]
Gay Male Colleague: "Don't give me eyeballs."
Me: "I'm not giving you eyeballs. You like to be eyeballed-....."
(beat, wherein my brain manages to react before my mouth)
Me: "...I stopped before I took that joke any further..."
(Much hilarity ensues.)

A gay male colleague starts to sing and chair groove to some Mariah song that suddenly starts playing in his head.
We all stop. Appalled.
Another gay male colleague: "I swear, if that comes on the radio, he turns it up..."
A female colleague (even more appalled): "...No, nooo!..."

A female colleague (to a male colleague): "...I can't because I'm going to the opera tonight."
Me: "Are you really?"
Female Colleague: "Yes."
Me: "On purpose?"
Female Colleague: "Yes."

* References to individuals have been almost completely removed, otherwise they will kill me. They might anyway.

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Blogger Francois Maree said...

Thanks for the heads up. I will make an update to my database not to come visit you at work (if I ever get to SA again this lifetime). Sounds like a bunch of weirdo's thrown in a box of smarties.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 7:00:00 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Now I feel bad for only blogging about the elections and the power failures!

Gotta go find some vodka. Perhaps then I'll have more to blog about... :)

Wednesday, March 01, 2006 9:09:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

FM: I didn't ever invite you to visit (this) workplace. You can rather meet me at the movies so we can continue the arthouse schooling. Anycase, with all the power failures, you'd probably have to take the stairs, which I know is to much effort for you.

Michelle: The recipe is as follows:
* Alcohol (technically optional). We used vodka.
* A gay individual (at least one) who is merry.
* A workplace deadline or tense atmosphere.
* A sarcastic, grumpy individual (at least one) who is witty.
* Any other individuals that can handle being in the recipe.
Mix with stress-inducing bosses and the threat of random power failures and serve.

Thursday, March 02, 2006 9:31:00 AM  
Blogger kyknoord said...

Damn! Your job is so much cooler than mine.

Friday, March 03, 2006 1:22:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

LOL. I'm just very lucky. It's a truly fortuitous mix of a handful of amazing individuals (and then we close the door to keep the rest away. Heh.)

Friday, March 03, 2006 1:30:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

*mumble* *grumble* No wonder I couldn't come and visit, the door was closed.

Ah yes, arthouse schooling. I actually rented One Hour Photo again once it was on DVD just for the fun of it dealing with such a psychotic stalker. I thought I could get some tips but he's not that good. Amateur! ;)

Friday, March 03, 2006 2:08:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

I don't even know what to say to that...

Friday, March 03, 2006 2:21:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

Oh you know EXACTLY what to say but you want to keep this front of being innocent and conservative. That is until people get to know the real you. :) *snigger*

Friday, March 03, 2006 4:07:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

You don't know the real me. You live in Ireland! You're probably drunk right now. None of this is actually real! You're in a stupor!

*Wake up!* *Fire!*

Friday, March 03, 2006 4:14:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

I seriously hope that they can wean you off those medications you seem to be addicted to. :)

Friday, March 03, 2006 4:16:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

As soon as you emerge from whatever haze you're under the influence of.

Friday, March 03, 2006 4:33:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

Haze? No no no, this is not Table Mountain. It's probably called snow because it's damn cold here, even though the sun shines nicely. Snows on the western part of Ireland.

Friday, March 03, 2006 5:21:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

A frozen brain would explain the current state (or lack thereof) of your thinking.

Friday, March 03, 2006 5:35:00 PM  
Blogger Francois Maree said...

I wear my balaklava so no brainfreeze capabilities. Sorry.

Friday, March 03, 2006 5:40:00 PM  

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