Janez In The Closet

A cutout of Top Billing's Janez Vermeiren has been drifting around the COSMO office for the past few days. Earlier this year he was voted as being the hottest man in COSMO's 2008 Sexiest Men Calendar (he's Mr September if you wish to haul out your calendar for purposes of ogling) and is listed as one of COSMO's 101 Hottest Men Alive (to find out where he's ranked you'll have to get yourself a copy of the June issue, which is no longer on the stands - ha haaa!). The cutout was made to advertise the June "Hot Men" issue.

Cutouts are quite freaky as they are life size and if you're too near to one you always catch sight of it out of the corner of your eye or feel as if someone is looming over you if it's behind you, both of which can be quite disconcerting, so cutouts never stay in one place for very long before someone quietly moves them elsewhere for some mental relief.

A few years ago a Robbie Williams cutout drifted around the COSMO office for months, scaring small children and most of the staff members who would turn a corner to find themselves unexpectedly face to face with Robbie and his bulging crotch (I make no jokes here).

Anyway, I've been eyeing the Janez cutout since it arrived with the intention of doing something with it (it's an opportunity not to be lost), but no actual idea. This afternoon it finally made its way to behind my desk (in case you are wondering I was not involved in the relocation, I just did not object to it) and I had this bright idea to put it in a nearby closet and take a picture, for some sort of nefarious future use yet to be determined.

Halfway to the closet I paused to say something to a colleague, resting against the rather bulky cutout and cradling it in my arms so that it wouldn't fall over.

"Now that's something I never expected to see," the editor, drifting past in a well-timed manoeuvre, exclaimed.

"...what?" I, oblivious as usual, perturbedly muttered, looking to my colleagues for assistance out of my confusion.

"You, cradling Janez so lovingly and tenderly with his abs resting against you,"* she replied, before drifting off.

I stood there, briefly, then lifted up the cutout, put it in the closet, and took a photo, but by that point I couldn't remember why I wanted to do it.


*(I may have paraphrased this bit slightly because at that moment, caught off guard, all I could think was "Oh, crap!")