Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Notes From The City: 5 June 2007

Another collection of oddities from the streets of Cape Town (not literally, of course - I'm not that bad). As usual, most were obtained on a walk down Adderley Street.

Golden Touch

Above: Golden Touch pamphlet.

Golden Touch wants your assorted bric a brac so, you know, if you have any gold bars lying around....

(And let's not comment about what a "Golden Touch" might entail. Especially one in capital letters.)

Conkon Perfumes - front

Above: Conkon Perfumes pamphlet - front.

Conkon Perfumes - back

Above: Conkon Perfumes pamphlet - back.

So, all those assholes that keep accosting me on the street at all hours (I know - don't ask me why I'm on the street at all hours) with their perfume selections are able to do so because they came up with R460 for the "capital investment". I have even less respect for them than I had before. And they may only want "friendly" customers but they are decidedly unfriendly themselves. Beware, all ye who are, or may be future, tourists: keep away from these guys. (The illustration is proof! How insane is that?! That's exactly what happens*.) [This is the joke-free portion of the blog post. We ("We"? This isn't a group blog. That should be "I") take safety very seriously at Cape Town > South Africa > Africa > Earth. As for the actual Cape Town, in South Africa, in Africa, on Earth, that's another matter. Bring pepper spray!]

Oh, yeah, and "Conkob"? They got the con bit right.

*If you're wondering the word balloons don't have any legible text in them, but I can paraphrase.
Guy With Perfume: "Hey, lay-dee..." (It's irrelevant that's he's stalking a man.) " want some nice perfume, man?"
Guy Running In Fear For His Life: "Fuck off, you fucking fucker!"

Lady doctor FaziRa and ALIBAWA

Above: Lady doctor FaziRa & ALIBAWA pamphlet.

I was especially excited to receive this flyer because it seems we now have a lady doctor in Cape Town who can perform miracles - what new, fandangled things will they think of next, I ask ya (besides, of course, the blend of "America & African Science")? This one is apparently especially helpful if "you want to produce" or "remote control your lover". (And who doesn't want that? At R50 it's a bargain! I'm in!)

You can also go here for cancer or diabetes. There definitely aren't enough places where you can buy those diseases.

Welcome From The United States Of America

Above: Welcome From The United States Of America (a pamphlet).

More penis enlargement here, direct from America! Wow! I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. After all, didn't America invent penis enlargement? (Or was that ego boosting? I never can tell the difference.) We also have the "lover remote" again. I'm very tempted to have a consultation at both offices so that I can then run a group test and take notes. But I need a volunteer. Dilemma! Takers?

[YOU can not apply, and neither can YOU. And you both know I'm talking about you. Except one of you may not ... but I'm saying it anyway, just to be clear: YOU can't. I'm sorry. No.]

Um ... at this point people stopped giving me flyers. I don't know why.

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Anonymous kyknoord said...

This makes me wonder what kind of spam you've been getting lately.

Monday, July 02, 2007 8:37:00 AM  
Blogger Mandy J Watson said...

It's funny that you should say that, as I was thinking this very morning that I should write a blog post about the spam I've been getting lately.

I think it would even make you blush.

Monday, July 02, 2007 10:19:00 AM  

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