Just finished recording new song called Tricks and it sounds cool!! As soon as I put some Celine Dion pan flute on there it'll be perfect.
It is very cold. I am warming my bed with a laptop charger. Surprisingly effective. I have a fever. Doctor Who keeps telling me I'm not real
Stuck in my first infinite loop: two Canadians saying sorry to one another.
Doctor Death has died. Asked for his reaction, Doctor Doom said "It was bound to happen." Dr No refused to comment.
By the time Palin’s campaign is over Paul Revere will be firing AK-47s and setting bear traps.
The Ryan Air experience is much like the hooker one. Budget and overrated. Then you're landed with a large bill...and possibly a disease.
@wilw In golf, which is better, a -1 magic driver or a +1 magic driver? (This tweet is at ±3 to blow your mind.)
Most TV ads: men are dumb, women are annoying, you're stupid & that's great, eat this fatty, America!, 4-hr erections, you're so alone.
War: The recruit sat in a circle of candles. The others got scared. "Satanist!" said the major. "No Sir! Scared of spiders, sir!"
Leaked Apple memo suggests that Steve Jobs’ keynote will conclude with the Rapture.
Skype down...maybe they're updating it to Skype Plus Home Users Basic Advanced Edition, Service Pack 4
95% of what's perceived to be sunlight actually comes from Boris Johnson's hair. #londonliesfortourists
#londonliesfortourists running head first into the wall between platforms 9 & 10 will get you to Hogwarts
People residing in South London have to pay a special 'aesthetic' tax as they enjoy a lovely view of North London #londonliesfortourists
A warm welcome to London! #londonliesfortourists
#londonliesfortourists The so-called Gherkin was originally going to be inside a 3 million sq. m glass arcology project called The Jar.
#londonliesfortourists on the 3rd Friday of the month, every month you can see the Queen walking her Corgies in Hyde Park at 10am.
INSTALLING SUMMER.. ███████████████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 44% DONE
Installation failed. Please try again. 404 error: Season not found.
Mum just tried to give me 'The talk' before writing the chapter. Hello mum I'm 19, I do actually know what 'bukkake' is.
I think Eskom is switching the moon off now for load shedding. #Eclipse
The Green Lantern is susceptible to yellow. It used to be wood.
So a yellow boat.
You could defeat the Green Lantern with a big yellow boat.